The Office Flock

The Office Flock: The Model

Sat, 04 Apr 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove says Microsoft released three AI models and they need their own; Dove wants to train it on the codebase and docs; Raven: 'So it'll be confused, outdated, and passive-aggressive'; Duck trained one on Slack that just says 'sounds good' and never follows up; Sparrow: 'So it learned'; Blackbird: 'Indistinguishable from the team'; Dove: 'Ship it.'

The Office Flock: The Headcount

Fri, 03 Apr 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove announces HR approved three new headcounts; Sparrow asks if they're engineers; Dove says AI agents, same budget, twice the output; Raven asks if they get equity; Chicken asks who manages them; Duck has already made himself team lead over all three; Blackbird notes Duck has three AI reports and hasn't started a single task; Sparrow: 'Senior leadership material.'

The Office Flock: The Valuation

Thu, 02 Apr 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove announces their valuation went up 300%; Raven asks if they shipped something; Dove says they added 'AI-powered' to the homepage; Duck put it in his email signature and LinkedIn views tripled; Chicken asks if LinkedIn views are revenue; Blackbird notes valuation is a thousand times revenue; Dove: 'Investors call that potential.'

The Office Flock: The Context Window

Wed, 01 Apr 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove announces the new AI has a million-token context window; Sparrow says it can read the entire codebase; Duck fed it all 400 repos; it found 2,000 TODOs from 2019 that say 'fix later'; Raven: 'So it works'; Blackbird reveals its summary of the codebase is one word: 'Why'; Dove: 'First honest review we've had.'

The Office Flock: The Survey

Tue, 31 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Sparrow shares a survey saying CFOs expect AI to replace jobs; Chicken panics; Dove reassures them it's only 'administrative roles'; Raven asks what Sparrow did yesterday; Sparrow lists spreadsheets, emails, and meetings; Raven: 'So... administrative work'; Sparrow thinks about updating LinkedIn.

The Office Flock: The Rename

Mon, 30 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Sparrow needs to rename one variable; it's in 84 files, four autogenerated; the tool is unmaintained, written by someone who left three years ago; Blackbird suggests renaming the ticket instead.

The Office Flock: The Retro

Sun, 29 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove asks what went well; seven seconds of silence, then 'the coffee machine didn't break'; Raven offers to list what went wrong alphabetically or chronologically; action item from last retro was 'stop ignoring action items' — status: ignored.

The Office Flock: The Slack Channel

Sat, 28 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove creates channel for important updates only; Duck posts lunch photos in it; there are now 47 channels, 46 muted; the only active one is #random.

The Office Flock: The Copilot

Fri, 27 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove announces replacing half the team with AI; Chicken panics; Duck's AI performance review says everyone exceeds expectations; Blackbird notes AI scheduled a meeting to discuss replacing meetings with AI.

The Office Flock: The Estimation

Thu, 26 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove asks how long a task will take; Raven says two weeks, Sparrow says a month, Duck says one day; awkward silence; they agree to say three weeks and tell management two.

The Office Flock: The Deploy

Wed, 25 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Raven wants to deploy on Friday at 4:47 PM; Chicken reminds everyone about 'the incident'; Raven claims it's one line tested locally; by 5:23 PM nobody knows how to rollback.

The Office Flock: The Standup

Tue, 24 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Chicken worked on the thing they said they'd work on; Dove will do the same but with more urgency; Sparrow's blocker is not understanding what they're building; Duck has no blockers because they haven't started.

The Office Flock: The Prompt

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Management adopts AI; Duck's AI-written emails have seventeen exclamation marks; Sparrow's AI refactored the entire codebase for one bug fix; now nobody can review it, including the AI.

The Office Flock: The Meeting

Sun, 22 Mar 2026 09:00:00 +0000

Dove calls a meeting; Raven points out yesterday's meeting was about having fewer meetings; the meeting about fewer meetings spawned two follow-ups; Duck arrives late and missed three meetings.